Monday, March 30, 2015

Moving Forward in Faith

   I know God has a plan for each of us. I know He hears and answers our prayers. I know that if we have faith and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost that God and Jesus will guide us in our life to the places we need to be and the people we need to meet. I know that having faith and trust can be hard. I know that the Lord doesn't give us what we want, but what we NEED, and if we are lucky to be in a good place spiritually then what we want from the Lord and what we need line up. I know that this is not usually the case. In my life God gives me what I need until I learn to make it what I want. 


    It has been a little bit over 2 years since we started our traveling family journey. (The Start) This was supposed to be a short term thing, maybe a couple of months. Then it turned into a year, now we are 2 years in. 

    Over the past few months Colt and I both felt like we were ready to settle down and make a life somewhere. We had a few places in mind. Colt and I searched tirelessly for months looking for an open position for him. Screen images of job descriptions, applications, and resume submit buttons were burned into our retinas. I don't know how many places or jobs he tried for. I do remember the ones that called him. One afternoon, 2 days since my last search, I found the perfect one, something Colt could do very well, and in the place we wanted to be. He applied and sent his resume right away. Two days later they called him and informed him that they had filled the position the same day he applied. They were disappointed because they said Colt would have gotten it for sure if he were just a day earlier. Our hearts were crushed. We felt defeated. We felt lost. A couple other offers came but we declined them due to their location (the northeast and our family do not mix). 

   In our moments of frustration we realized that we had been praying and telling the Lord what WE wanted. We were not taking the time and softening our hearts to ask what HE wanted for us. Slowly our hearts began to soften and our minds began to change. We still wanted some peace of mind by having some sort of plan. We have learned that God answers prayers in may different ways. We also know that we are blessed with agency. Through out our marriage God has left it up to us to make the biggest course changing decisions, then to seek His guidance and conformation of our choices. This time was no different. After much prayer and fasting Colt and I made a decision and made a plan, then we continued to counsel with the Lord, asking for conformation of our choice and plan. 

   Our choice and plan: We are for sure here in NYC until June and we will enjoy it. There was a reason we missed out on that "perfect" job and even if we don't know why we trust that the Lord does, but we will continue our search for the new "perfect" job. If Colt doesn't get the promised promotion and raise in May then we move on, putting all of our efforts into finding a stable position even if that means making compromises in our desired location, and pay. If Colt gets the promised raise and promotion we will forgo our job search and commit to our current life style of being on the road for the next year. Then reevaluate in one year's time. 

   So there you go. The apples are on the table, so to say.We didn't have conformation right away, but we kept moving forward with faith and trust. Until one day when the Lord gave us an answer plain as day and one that can not be argued with. 
 
   Colt's boss came to NYC to meet with a few people earlier this month( there was some "office drama" going on and since Colt is site lead he was middle man between employees and managers). He met with Colt for awhile. Colt called me after his meeting, he was given a promotion and a raise. It was March we weren't expecting it until May. We both sighed and felt like a weight was lifted off of our shoulders. God gave us our answer. He made it clear. Colt and I both said at the same time, "you know what this means." 

    I was first filled with joy and relief. Then quickly came on the tears. This was not what I wanted this was not what I was hoping for. At that moment I went to my bedroom to pray. I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told Him how much I didn't want this. I told Him how sad I was. I told Him my concerns for my children. I told Him I was done living out of a suitcase. I told Him I was done. I begged Him to let me know why. I begged Him to help me understand. Until just then I felt like He was there with me, that He was there listening and just waiting for me to listen and give Him a chance to speak to my heart. After a moment of just tears I began to feel peace in my heart and my spirit began to calm. I pleaded with Him to help me to accept and embrace. Then I knew all was going to be well. I knew that He understood my heart. I knew that He has a plan. I knew that it is now up to me to trust in Him and have faith.
 

   He gave us our answer in His time and in His way. He heard our pleas. He gave us the comfort we needed. Now it is up to us to move forward with faith and trust in Him. 

 
 I am sharing this because I know it will be hard for people to understand especially our family and friends. We often get questions and comments of concern for our family. Trust me we worry that we am messing up our kids for life, enough for everyone that is concerned, thanks. Also it is easier to explain it here then to repeat it and feel like we have to defend our decision to everyone, over and over. We love you all and are hoping that you can love and support us as this was not an easy choice to make. We do know that right now for our family it is the right choice.

Until next time. I love you C,M,B,C,E and L!


No comments:

Post a Comment