Days like today

I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids! Today was that kind of day, where I had to remind myself of this fact. Yes we asked for and prayed for the wonderful blessing of children. I am going to be very blunt... No body ever tells you how hard it is sometimes. I tried to clean today and that was a complete waste of time. I was in one room cleaning and the kids were in another making a mess. So I put them all in the room that I was cleaning and I just ended up being a referee and getting no cleaning done. Next we headed out back and while I was trying to do some yard work they decided to "make some mud". Needless to say I now have a whole load of laundry to do of mud covered clothes. So back indoors we went, where they proceeded to dump every toy out while I sat to feed the baby. After asking for them to clean up about a hundred times I gave up. Instead of completely loosing my cool I turned on the tv and walked away. Turning on the tv kept them distracted enough to stop the spread of ciaos. I had been counting down the seconds until Daddy got home until I sadly remembered that tonight is a school night and he wouldn't be home until well after bed time. I am very luck that I have a caring husband that understands when I call him and tell him I need him to ditch school tonight :) So to be honest sometimes I really don't like my kids (be truthful you don't always like yours either). There are some days that I wish I could just stay in bed, have a clean house, eat ice cream while watching tv with out kids asking if they can have some, or go out with out having to get 5 other people ready to go. I love them no matter what and although I have a bad day here or there I wouldn't change my life for anything. (while I was writing this #3 and #4 were cracking eggs in the back yard) KIDS! Malayna, Bobby, CJ, Eva, and Lindy you guys wear me out but I love you!!

I hear a "click"

Well Lindy had her 2 month well baby check up. She is growing like a weed. Height:10 lbs 11 oz Weight:22.25 inches . I thought all was going to be just perfect, and it was until the physical exam. While the doctor was rotating her hips she said she could hear or feel a "click". So she suggested we go to get an ultrasound on her hips. A few days later we found ourselves on the way to see pediatric orthopedist. She was diagnosed with acetabular dysplasia. It was a bit of a shock because she really didn't look like anything was wrong with her. She will have to wear a pavlik harness for 3 months, and will need physical therapy. The doctor said it is probably from the way she was positioned in the womb. She was to big for my body and that left her with very little room to stretch and and kick to form her hip sockets properly. But all will be well in due time. The harness has made diaper changes, dressing, and swaddling very difficult. I was very sad that she could not wear all the cute rompers and dresses that I had saved from the other girls(I have since figured that part out). She is still young enough that she likes to be swaddled to sleep. I am sad that she cant wear all the cute baby shoes that I saved for her. But to look on the bright side; it was caught early, she wont need surgery and she will never remember any of this.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to our sweet little Bobby! He turned 7! We are so glad he is in our family. The past 7 years have flown by. We remember finding out on our 2nd wedding anniversary that our second little baby was on the way. He has brought so much laughter, joy, tears, frustration, destruction, and most of all LOVE to our family.

Lindy's Blessing day.

Yes I know this happened a while ago but I am still trying to figure out life with 5 kids. I don't often get time to just sit and write. Lindy's blessing day was wonderful. Tata and Nana made it all the way from Vegas. Uncle Zach even joined us at church for the special day. She wore the same beautiful white dress that her big sisters, Nay and Eva wore. Colt gave her such a wonderful blessing. We pray that she will be true to herself and the Lord, that she will always remember that we love her and that she a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves her.

Together Again!!

About 2 1/2 weeks after my c-section things worked out and fell into place for my oldest three kids could go for a two week vacation to see Grandpa and Grandma and Tata and Nana. This was a huge help with my recovery. A big thank you to Colt's cousin Kenyon and his wife Megan who braved a 12 hour drive with 3 kids.

While Nay, Bob, and CJ were gone I got to spend some time with my little Eva. I learned so much about her. She really loved being the "oldest" at home for a while. She was such a good little helper with Lindy. She only mentioned the other kids once or twice, which was a surprise to me. I thought she would be really sad that they were gone, but she was just fine. I think she really enjoyed only having to share my attention with a baby that sleeps all day. I love her so much!

Nay, Bob, and CJ had a blast! First they spent some time with Grandpa and Grandma Stevens. When they would call us to talk they would tell us about all the fun places Grandma was taking them. They got to swim, go to the park, hang out with Aunt Sheron, and go to a warehouse full of bounce houses. They had so much fun! After they were done at Grandpa and Grandma's house they took a two hour drive and made to Las Vegas to spend some time with Tata and Nana. Once they got there they made another quick trip with Tata and Nana to CA to see some more family and spend some fun time at the beach!(I was jealous of the beach) They didn't really want to talk to us while they were with Nana and Tata because they always said they were to busy having fun. 

I am so glad that they got to go. I was able to get some rest and quite time with Eva and Lindy. They got to have fun and see family. I am glad that they didn't have to be stuck here with me on the couch. I feeling a lot better and I feel like I am ready to be a mom of five now. Not ready to be mom and housekeeper yet but that is ok, the house can be dirty for a while. I would rather spend time playing and loving on my babies than wasting what little energy and strength I have on cleaning. I will be my hundred percent self soon enough. I am so happy that we are all together again!

First outing as a family! We went to the flea market!

A Grand Entrance

 My last post was about how I was dealing with, what seemed like a forever wait for the birth of our little girl. Well she came! It was nothing like the beautiful peaceful birth I had planed and dreamed about in my mind. I can honestly say that it was a very good thing that I had decided to just let God handle the rest of my pregnancy and delivery. The day started like any other day, Colt off to work, taking kids to music and dance class. After class was over we went and ran a few errands in town. I took the kids to the mall then to the park and we just had a fun day. We decided to go out to dinner as a family. While we were at dinner our little Eva peed her pants. I walked her out to the car to get a new change of clothes(simple right). Well I stepped off the curb and into a pot hole! And SPLAT landed right on my huge belly. The only one around was my 2 year old Eva. As I laid there crying on the parking lot floor wishing that someone would come by to help me up, nobody came. I got my self up grabbed Eva's hand and hobbled inside. Colt saw me in tears holding my belly and freaked out. I told him what had happened and said I would just sit for a while and do some kick counts. He would have none of that, he hurried the kids to finish their dinner and rushed us off to the hospital. When we got there they hooked me up to the baby heart rate monitor and the contraction monitor. Baby's heart rate was sounding good and I was having contractions every 4-7 minutes. After an hour or so a friend came to pick up our kids(thank goodness). Four kids in a small triage room was no fun. Nay stayed with us, she wanted to be there if the baby was born. The doctor ordered a BPP(Biophysical Profile) ultrasound. The tech watched the baby for about an hour and a half. He didn't tell us much about what he was looking for but we were okay and not worried. When he was done I was put back on the monitors for another hour or so. All of a sudden the nurse comes in with my doctor on the phone wanting to talk to me. Now I was worried. She started by saying the BPP results were not good and that the baby wasn't moving like they wanted her to. She also said that there looked like there might be a bleed on the baby's brain. Then she said she was on her way to perform an emergency c-section. I began to cry and heard nothing else she said after that. The nurse was explaining the same thing to Colt while I was on the phone with the doctor. Now all the nurses and doctors went into a mad dash of prep mode.Colt told everyone to stop what they were doing and leave the room. He knew just what I needed; He gave me a hug then  gave me a blessing. I felt instant peace, I was still scared and worried but felt peace. Everyone came back in and went back to work. I gave my Nay a hug and kiss and told her the nurses would take good care of her while mom and dad were in the operating room. After getting a spinal block and being laid on the table my sweet husband was once again by my side. I just starred at him to keep myself calm. In a few quick moments I heard the cry of our sweet baby girl. The doctors gave her a quick look over and said she looks just fine. They gave me a little peek at her before they rushed her off to the NICU for a better look at her and some more tests. I was soon in recovery. Colt and Nay came to see me before they left to take Nay home. I was in recovery for a few hours and all I wanted was to have my baby in my arms. I cried and cried wishing that I could just hold her. They finally rolled me to the NICU, Colt was there and I got to hold her. She had IV's and wires and cords and monitors on her, it was all so sad. They told us all the scans of her head were normal and that there was no bleed. We both were so relieved. 
It has now been 3 weeks and looking back there are still so many emotions. I am upset and sad that I had to have a c-section, but I am so happy that all was well with our little Lindy. I am having a very hard time with the recovery. It is very hard to "take it easy" when you are a mom of 5. Colt has been amazing! He has taken over all of my normal duties as well as work, and go to school. Our sweet little Lindy wanted to make sure that her grand entrance would be unforgettable, and we will never forget it! Selinda Marie entered this world on April 30th she weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 19 inches long. Another beautiful blessing from God.

A Bitter Sweet Wait

Have you ever had something that you were looking so forward to and knew that once you got it you would be so happy and a little sad at the same time? Well that is how I feel right now. We are still waiting for our baby girl to grace us with her presence. I never thought that I would still be pregnant at this point. I have gone through so many emotions with this pregnancy, not just the normal mood swings that everyone gets when they are having a baby. It took us in what our opinion seemed a while to get pregnant. We tried and tried for a year, while all of our friends around us shared their good news for expecting a baby. Yes we already had four beautiful little children, but when you KNOW that there should be another one it is kinda hard to deal with when it just doesn't happen. We never had to "try" before and this was a new feeling that needed to be worked through. After a little over a year we found out we were finally expecting. A few weeks into our pregnancy I started bleeding. I was placed on bed rest for the whole first trimester. That was another new experience for me. At that time I was so miserable, I went into depression. I had four kids at home that I home schooled and I felt like I was failing as mom and teacher. I had thoughts that scared me, like just thinking that I should just miscarry already and get it over with. If it weren't for an amazing visiting teacher I don't know what I wold have done, she brought meals, cleaned my house, and took care of my children. I love her more than she knows. Then into my second trimester things were fine, no more bed rest. The whole second trimester went by just like any other, full of energy and anticipation. The third trimester has been a little harder than I thought it would be. Not so much physically, as emotionally. We have had a few false alarms, where everyone gets very excited and then to be sent home with no hope of a time to come. I have been at 3cm and 70%+ effaced for more than a week and a half. So every day has been "today can be the day", and every night is "tonight could be the night".  After a few days of thinking and feeling like this, I started to feel like she was never going to come, and that God just wanted me to stay pregnant forever because he wasn't answering my prayers for her to come already. After a few very low feeling days, spent with me just crying in bed from the moment I woke up until I feel asleep at night. And really just having a poor me pity party, and thinking about everything that I wanted (like my mom to be here, for my husband to be home all day, for this baby to be here) I realized that everything I was sad about and wanted were out of my control (I am a big control freak). So when I came to the understanding that all the stress and sadness I was feeling came from me feeling like I had no control I was able to snap myself out of it. I immediately knelt down and spoke to my Father in Heaven. I first apologized for blaming Him for my feelings, then I told Him how I felt and what I wanted and that I knew it was not the same as what He wanted for me. I let it all go. I got up from that prayer with such a weight lifted off of me. I now feel ready to except however, whenever, and wherever this baby is to be born. It may not be just how I want it to be but it will be just the way it is supposed to be. I am now trying and I do mean trying to enjoy every last second that I get to be a mom to just four, and to enjoy every uncomfortable feeling that comes from being soooo pregnant. We know that this is the last time that we will ever go through being pregnant and expecting again. We are ready to begin our new stage in life. Like I said I can hardly wait for this baby to be here and when she is I know we will all be so happy. I will also be a little sad to know that she is going to be the last baby that we bring into this world. So as I go through my next few days or weeks (whatever she decides) I will be reflecting on this this bitter sweet wait.