Mommy Overload

As a full time stay at home mom and homeschooler, there are times when I wish I could just run away. I don't mean forever but maybe for a day or two.
Don't get me wrong I love my family and I love being a mom. It just starts to get draining when you do the same thing day in and day out, for weeks or months or years at a time.
I have been a mom for almost 11 years now and have been a homeschool mom for the past 4 or 5 years now(not sure the years have sort of blurred together).
Since being a mom I have learned so much about myself: I can't handle puke. I really don't like Dora(how many times does she need to say the same thing, trust me I have to do that enough already). I am not a morning person or night owl, but I can be if I absolutely have to. I like need at least 8 hours of sleep to function well. I hate feet but not if they belong to a 3 year old or younger. I love toddler bellies, and belly laughs. These are just a few, but there are so, so many more.
We all know the mommy duties, cooking (3 meals and at least 2 snacks per day), Cleaning everything(bathrooms, bed rooms, kitchens, living rooms, family rooms, toy rooms, closets, home offices, and everything else I can't think of right now), and laundry(our huge family has at least 7-10 loads per week). Lets not forget managing the family finances, play dates, child care and above all a marriage. If we some how manage it, throw in being a daughter, a sister and a friend.
Now for me as a homeschool mom add to the above, lesson plans(for grades k-7th grade in different subjects), teaching(all grades and subjects), grading, my own learning and research, and throw in overwhelming doubts and feelings of failure on all levels.
You see this is what I do day in and day out. Most of the time I love it and most of the time it is no problem, but at times I feel full of mommy overload. Like at any minute this mommy is going to drop and be down for the count.
Thankfully I have an amazing husband that recognizes "mommy overload" (when I start being short tempered and cry about everything). He often steps in and tells me to go take some time to myself. I love this and hate this at the same time. I feel guilty for not being able to do it all, and do it all well, all the time. I feel happy that he cares and is perceptive enough to take over(at least for a little bit). I feel weird about leaving my "job". I have mixed feelings about alone time, I know I need it but I would rather have "me time" with another adult that I love, usually with a BFF, that also lives my kind of life(aka Zo).
Lately I can tell that I am getting close to mommy overload. So I am writing this so that one day when my daughters read this, that they can know (not only that their mom is amazing ;)) that it is, okay. It is okay to feel overwhelmed doing the job that is the most important, that is is okay to feel overwhelmed doing what you love, that it is okay to take time for yourselves, that it is okay to need a break, that it is okay to to talk about how you are feeling, and that it is okay to try your best(even if you didn't make it, try again).
When my sons read this one day I want them to know (not only that their mom is amazing ;)) that it is okay. It is okay for your wife to need help, it is okay that your wife is tired, it is okay for you to step in when your wife needs you(even if she doesn't ask), its okay to for you to feel overwhelmed with the duties of providing for a family, it is okay to need your wife, it is okay to try your best(even if you didn't reach it, try again).
This is something I read often (Because She Is a Mother)
"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Husbands—especially husbands-..... and friends in every direction, be helpful and sensitive and wise. Remember, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” 

Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever." - Jeffery R Holland

I know that I could not do what I do with out the help of the Lord. I know that I need God and my savior Jesus Christ in everything that I do. 

Until next time. Love you C,M,B,C,E, and L.

Eva was proud to show me that she could draw a heart and write our names.

My sweet family

From the kids point of view

From the kids cam

Kids Cam

Kids cam

Kids cam

Kids cam

Winter Blues

So that time of year is upon us. The time when the leaves change colors and fall to the ground. The time when the air gets cool and crisp. That time when everyone is bundled in coats, scarves, and boots. That time of year that I love and at the same time don't love.

I have never been a fan of cold weather. I mean I tolerated it for 10 years while we lived in Colorado. I hated every cold rainy/snowy day. I sat in front of the tv next to the fire place with a hot bowl of soup in my hands. I often would take off to Las Vegas for at least a month during the winter. I get seasonal depression, but in a way I think a lot of people do. When the weather is cold and the skies are gray, that is kind of how I feel inside.

It has been 944 days since I have had to deal with living through an actual winter. That is 2 years and 7 months! Our last 2 winter seasons have been spent in places where "winter" doesn't really exist.  Minus our one week in Colorado and the crazy 24 hour "snowpocalypse" in TX it has been more than 2 1/2 years of perfect weather. What more could you expect from Texas and San Diego in the winter. Sadly my beautiful weather streak is at an end. (I am literally fighting back tears).

Welcome to fall in the North East! Where it seems to always be raining, cloudy, windy and COLD!! I for one am not a fan. Wait the one thing that has been great is watching the colors of the leaves change, but it is a little sad because I know in about a week all that will be left of the beautiful maple trees are ugly naked branches.

The one plus about this weather is the cute clothes. Unfortunately for me I am short and round, and have been cursed with my mother's fat calfs. So the cute layers and the great sweaters only make me look shorter and rounder, and it is nearly impossible to find cute boots in the "wide calf" section, and even if I did find some boots they would make my legs look even shorter.

Today is November 1st, and in line with the past few weeks is has been cold ,windy and rainy.

We had a wonderful Halloween with new friends. A fabulous Ward Fall Festival (for my West coast friends it was inside the building, there was no trunk or treat because our building parking lot has only 8 parking spots).

I will get through this New York City winter by looking forward to each holiday event, that I have always dreamed of attending here in the BIG APPLE!! Up first, The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! Then the Christmas Tree Lighting at Rockefeller Center! Then New Years Eve in Time Square! Then the St Patrick's Day Parade!! I will survive this winter from event to event!

Bobby pushing all the kids on the swings!

Our favorite local park.

The kids loved this tiny deer at the Queens zoo.

Lindy

Eva

CJ

Malayna

Bobby 

Snow White and the Poisonous Apple

left to right- Bobby, Eva, Lindy, CJ, and Malayna

Trick or treating with friends. 3 families 15 kids!!

Not like TV

     So we have now been in NYC for few weeks and I am still in a bit of a culture shock. Everything I ever knew about NYC was what I saw on tv and in movies. Let me tell you this, it is NOTHING LIKE TV!!!

     It is a lot dirtier than I thought it would be. I mean the streets, the buildings, and even the air. There is some sort of trash on the ground at all times. The buildings look old and run down and covered in dirt. The air is the worst. After spending anytime walking out side I feel like my skin is dirty. I feel like it is covered in a layer of car exhaust, second hand smoke, and over all pollution. Luckily a hot shower can clear that right up. Not so sure my lungs will ever feel clean again.

     The subway is not as scary as I thought it would be. I pictured dark, damp, cold and creepy. To my pleasant surprise it was the opposite. There is plenty of light, and it is actually warm down there. Most importantly it is not at all creepy. I was surprised by how much the kids and I enjoy riding the subway. It is not an easy system to "get to know" but I am sure by the time we leave we will be old pros. I was shocked by seeing kids ride the subway by themselves, but it turns out that is how they get to and from school. We took the school bus, these kids take the subway.

     The biggest difference from tv  that I have noticed is people here are a lot nicer than what their reputation is. New Yorkers have a reputation for being rude, we all know this. What you didn't know, is that they are really kind and helpful. Example: My mom, the kids and I were headed to Time Sq to do the tourist thing. We got off the subway and didn't know which end we should exit from (there is more that one exit from your stop to street level). We asked some guy which way we should go. Instead of just tell us the way he showed us. Not just showed us but walked us every step of the way. He showed us to the elevator (we had the stroller). He took the stairs up and waited for us to come out of the elevator, then we walked us to the next elevator as he took the stairs. He met us at street level and walked us out to the side walk. He pointed us in the right direction and gave us some tips on how best to navigate through Time Sq. We said our good byes and thank yous. I then watched him walk back into the subway station, from where he had just left to help us. He was such a blessing to us. We have not had any issues where people have been rude or unkind. It has been the complete opposite, they have gone out of there way to be helpful. The only exception to this is when people are driving. They are quick to honk their horn and whip around you if you are driving to slow or not crossing the street fast enough.

     Before we came out here a friend shared this link with me, NYC Tips and Etiquette. It is pretty much right on. I hope by the end of our 9 months here that I can earn the tile of "New Yorker".

Until next time. Love you C,M,B,C,E and L!

   

Our first New York pizza!!

took a picture to know what subway stop we had to
make it back to.

M and B on their first subway ride.

Colt and I on our first subway ride.

The only place I could find to let the kids run around while we
were waiting to for Colt at the doctor in Manhattan, was a cement
"court yard" above a parking garage.

Toll roads everywhere!

My mom excited to be standing kind of close to Nick Lachey in Time Sq!
FYI his arm brushed mine as he left this interview! ;)

   

From Place to Place

     On our way to New York City we made a few detours. Our first stop was Leeds, UT.

     On September 9th there was a huge rain storm and flash flood. It was so bad that portions along I-15 were completely washed out. Our 6 hour drive became a 10 hour drive with the detour through Valley of Fire. We had a wonderful time in UT. We visited family and prepared our luggage for our flights. After a few days we were headed to Las Vegas, luckily the freeway was reopened.

   Vegas was.....HOT! Colt and I were both raised there and we still hate the heat. We spent a few days with my sister and her cute family. We relaxed and spent time with our family that lives in Vegas. I helped my mom pack her bags as she was joining us on our trip to NYC!

    We flew out of Las Vegas on the 18th of September. We got to the airport what we thought was 2 hours before our flight but when we checked in the lady at the counter told us we might not make our flight. Turns out they moved up the flight time with out warning. After running to security and trying to get through there as fast as we could, then running to our gate and finally making it. We see they are not boarding and getting ready to close the gate like the rude lady at the counter said. They were still unloading the plane from the last flight. Not a fun way to start our travel day. At least we made it and then we were off to Colorado Springs!!!

     We were all so excited to go "home"! As much as we have enjoyed traveling and seeing the country there is no place like home. We only got to drive by our house, because we have renters in it, but it was nice to drive on those familiar roads. The most exciting part of our visit in Colorado was getting to see our friends! These aren't just friends they are more like family. First the Bess family. I have missed them so much, we all have. Tears of joy and sadness ran down my cheeks as my best friend and her now 6 beautiful children walked into the restaurant. Joy, because I was so happy to see them, and hug them. Sadness, because I have missed so much in the past 2 years and I knew 4 days was not going to be enough. Second Uncle Zach drove all the way from NM to see us. It was so nice to see him. We have missed him so much. He has been apart of our lives for the longer than we have been parents. He is Uncle Zach to our kids and  like a brother to Colt and I. Sadly our time in Colorado was up and it was time to head out.

   Our flight out of Denver was so easy. The flight to NYC went smoothly. The kids did great. Then we landed in NYC.... before we even left the airport we were all overwhelmed. The amount of people, the noise level, the mass confusion, and 5 very tired kids made for a rough start in NYC. We figured out where to go and a way to get to the hotel. As soon as we got to the hotel, checked in and settled we didn't leave the room for the rest of the day.

  We made it! It was a long couple weeks of traveling from place to place but we did enjoy our journey.

Until next time. I love you C,M,B,C,E, and L!

Bobby playing dress up in UT

Eva and Millie in Vegas.

Erica and I in Vegas

Swimming in Vegas with the kids plus Ethan

Zo and Gen together again!!

Lindy Lou and Ryny Roo in CO!

Some how we can still get them ALL around the table!

With Uncle Zach in CO!

Ryn was not happy that we were leaving. This made me cry.

At the Denver airport!

Waiting for our flight!

We actually got to sit together for the whole flight!

Farewell San Diego

   We have made amazing friends while in San Diego. We have enjoyed our time here tremendously!! We are so grateful for the opportunity to travel with Colt for his job. It has been a tough couple of years, but at the same time it has been the most wonderful couple of years.

   The last few days at any location are always hard. Sorting, organizing, packing is always stressful. This time was especially hard because Colt has been dealing with a bad back for the past couple of weeks. So all of the work fell on me. Thankfully the day before we headed out two amazing friends came to the hometel to help me carry down and load the large heavy things into the car. 

   Monday night a small farewell party was given for us. It was a sweet send off full, of friends, food laughter, and swimming!! It was a great night to say some last good byes, and for the kids to have one more play date with their friends. 

  Colt and I often think about how our traveling is affecting our kids. We worry about what our life style is teaching them about friendship and how they form relationships with other people besides our family. For the most part they have learned to dive right into friendship, to not be shy, put themselves out there, get to know people, they have learned to look forward to and love every second they get to spend with friends. They have also learned that people don't always act, or do what you want them to, or play the same way,  but that it is still fun to get to know them and make memories with them. They have learned to look for the good in everyone they meet.
   We have never thought about how our coming and going affects others. At the farewell party a few of our friends kids were crying and very upset. I never realized that us coming and making these friendships were going to be so hard for our new friends. We were trying to get a group picture of the kids at the party but they were too bust playing that I said never mind. Then sweet little Zach just lost it and broke down crying. All he wanted was one last picture with his friends. It broke my heart. That was the first time I realized that this life style doesn't only affect us but the others we meet along the way.
   We always teach our kids to leave things better than you found it. So now we will also encourage them to leave people better than they found them. Even it is by just making them a little bit happier by showing them love and kindness.
   I too made some amazing friends. The women in our ward were so wonderful. I became very close a few ladies, that made my time in San Diego so fun. I will miss them so much. I am grateful for social media, to help me stay in contact with these great woman. I don't cry when we leave a site. I do finally loose it a few hours into our travels away. I finally broke down into tears as we were leaving Las Vegas on our way to UT at 9pm. I thought about all the fun we had, all the wonderful people we got to know, the amazing experiences we had, and about how much I want to live there someday.

     To my San D Girls (you know who you are),
Thank you so much for your love and friendship. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. We always had fun no matter what we did. Thank you for the amazing experiences we had, (naked time, singing at the top of our lungs, froyo, zoo, beach, temple, movies, play dates and just your time). Your friendship means so much to me. You all made my time there so memorable. You also made it so hard to leave. I love you ladies and know that our paths will cross again. (tears)

Until next time. I love you C,M,B,C,E and L!