The end of November marked one year of being out of our home. Over the past year there have been very few times where I have been negative about our circumstances. Yes there have been good things and bad things but they hardly ever change my positive attitude. This particular day I let my emotions get the best of me. It was a day or two after Thanksgiving. Any moment that I was alone or just with Colt I cried, and cried, and cried some more. I was feeling lots of different things. I was feeling lost. I was feeling helpless. I was feeling alone. I was feeling frustrated. I was feeling tired. I was feeling like I was missing out. I was feeling sad.
I was feeling homesick.
I never imagined when we bought our home that we would ever leave it. I never imagined living on the road with five kids. I never imagined that this would be my life.
I think the timing of my little melt down was perfect. You see Christmas is my most favorite time of the year. It is the time of the year where we have most of our family traditions. It is the time of the year that I love most being in my home with my little family! We decorate the entire house the day after Thanksgiving while singing and dancing to the Christmas music that I have playing almost to the max volume! Then we turn down the music while we decorate the tree while reminiscing as we pull each special ornament out the box.... the little bride and groom, the parents to be, baby's first Christmas times 5, our family trip to Disney Land, our first home, the kids tiny hand print ornaments. After the tree we then head out side to hang the lights. Next we start to put up ALL of my Nativity sets (there are a lot). After the house is perfect we hit the movie theater to catch the new family movie. At the end of the night we sit and watch as the lights flicker on at the perfect predetermined time!
The rest of the season is filled with music, baking, friends, family, service and love. We make a sweet homemade treat for all our neighbors on our block. We buy gifts for families that need help. We have parties with all those we love. We make tamales until our fingers cramp.
As I thought about all the things that I felt like I was going to miss this year and as I talked to Colt about how I was feeling, I realized I had forgotten something. I had forgotten to talk to one person, so I knelt down and prayed. Once again I began to cry, but after my prayer I felt peace once again.
I understood that even though this road life is not the life I had imagined, planned or worked for, it is the life I am BLESSED with. I was reminded that being able to be together as a family no matter where we are is a blessing. I was reminded that having somewhere to live and be safe is a blessing. I was reminded that I get to have my children with me everyday and that I get to teach them what I feel is important and that is a blessing. I was reminded that I am loved by so many and that is a blessing. I was reminded that although those traditions are very special to me, they are not what makes this my favorite time of year. I was blessed that through my moment of sadness that I was reminded of the reason I love Christmas so much!
The birth of our Savior. The birth of the world's Savior. The birth of MY Savior! After all this is the reason why I have so many nativity scenes. He too felt what I was feeling and through His love and grace I can be made hole in body, in mind, and in spirit. So this year we will try and keep as many traditions as we can and along the way make a few new ones.
I love you C,M,B,C,E, and L!
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Our Christmas tree this year. Made out of our hands.
With a couple of ornaments from our travels. |
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| Kids doing little holiday crafts. |
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| Our little nativity set. |
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| Hot chocolate. |
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| San Diego Temple. With a beautiful nativity. |
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| Colt and I |
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| Checking out the lights at the temple |
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| Another nativity at the temple. |
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| Making treats for the hotel staff instead of neighbors this year! |
